My Love Story

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At its core, the Love Conquers All story is very romantic, triumphant, and full of courage to face yourself with honesty. The catalyst for change in your love story is usually a pivotal event, circumstance, or reevaluation of yourself.

Where should you look for these pivotal moments? Challenges may come from family and society — even yourself. Do loved ones disapprove of your partner, raise concerns you hadn't previously cared that much about? Turning points may also stem from previous obligations at work, or in promises you've made to others. Do you reschedule or delay plans with your partner because you feel the need to honor responsibilities at the office? Do you prioritize taking care of a friend in need over the needs of your mate?

These themes are echoed throughout history and recorded in diaries, novels, television and films. In Jane Austin's novel "Emma" for example, the protagonist put everybody else's romantic needs before her own. Had she not stopped to question herself, she would have missed a chance for love altogether. Was she just looking after her friends? Or was she guarding herself from the potential hurt of a relationship or unrequited love?

Ambition to be loyal to loved ones, move ahead at work, improve your home, see the world — these are all good things. But sometimes, they take precedence over your love life — whether you are conscious of it or not. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but think about it. Are you ever afraid of being held back from your goals? Or that a relationship might make attaining those goals a slower process, or change them completely?

Remember Nicolas Cage in the film "Family Man"? Through a strange twist of fate, he's given the opportunity to see life as it might have been had he gotten married instead of pursued successes at work. Though fantastical and magical, he experiences a jarring event, and through it, realizes he has different priorities. He would give up his important job and expensive belongings to be with the one woman he realizes he truly loves. And he realizes that his initial choice to pursue his career instead of pursue his relationship was driven not by his hopes for success, but his fear of taking on the seriousness of his relationship. With this insight, he has the courage to face himself, not preexisting hopes and goals.

Even if fate doesn't throw obstacles in your way, it's possible that you do. Do you shy away from romantic commitments? Do you make excuses for not dating? Do you wish your relationships never progressed passed the lovey-dovey stage? Are the people you date "all wrong" for you? There's a reason you're holding back from pursuing a good thing. You may put excuses between you and another person, or you may intentionally pick the wrong person to give you an out, an alternative to getting serious. The real courage in your love story comes from taking a good look at yourself, and questioning your motivations.

Once you recognize this as your story, you will indeed have the courage and the insight to question yourself and make a commitment, or break with someone before external events force you to. In this manner, Courage is one of the most noble and truthful love stories out there.

In "Notting Hill," Julia Roberts plays a movie star whose career (not to mention awful boyfriend) get in the way of a fledgling romance with a London bookseller (Hugh Grant). In "Autumn in New York," a cheating playboy played by Richard Gere finds himself in love with a dying 22-year-old. Will he mend his ways before it's too late? The love story that drives these plots is the same that drives your fantasies and relationships, which is why these stories can be so powerful. Of course, in the movies it's always clear just whom the lead person should hook up with. In real life, it's quite a bit harder. Love Conquers All, and now you're equipped to find it.

Whether you realize it or not, you might be slightly at odds with yourself when it comes to matters of love. On the one hand, you might be ready for the love of your life. On the other hand, you might want to protect yourself from a potential hurt should that love not work out. Do you view love suspiciously at times? Avoid the traditional trappings of romance — flowers, chocolates, and Valentine's Day? Perhaps you've had your heart broken one too many times, or you so desperately want a true love, that you are almost afraid of failing on your way to it.

At times, you can be fiercely independent. Though, painful memories of a past relationship, or aspirations to success in other areas of your life, can sometimes make you less of a risk-taker in the land of love. Do you have tunnel vision unless a dramatic event grabs your attention? Maybe you equate settling down with the right person as a one-way ticket to the retirement community. You may avoid relationships altogether, or you may prefer to keep them casual. Do you have a reputation for being a player? Do you date lots of people at once, preventing any one relationship from going too far? Or do you tend to make excuses when it comes to romance, placing work or other obligations in between you and a potential lover?

On one level, your love story is driven by an underlying faith that "the one" is out there waiting for you. On another level, you might not want to search for it because you don't want to fail in finding it. Whatever the basis, fear probably contributes to your story, whether fear of commitment, fear of settling down, fear of rejection, or fear of what other people may think. If your partner comes from a different background - social, ethnic, economic, you might be afraid to introduce friends to him.

Fortunately, love is stronger than whatever challenges you might face. Though you may subconsciously sabotage aspects of a relationship to protect yourself, love will likely prove stronger. When given the choice to walk away or take a chance with a soul mate, you will take the chance when it is right. And remember, you are not bound to this love story. Once you understand it and the role it plays in your life, you can make the most of it, or you can decide it's no longer working for you and that it's time to move on.

Love could be staring you in the face, and you might not even see it. The biggest pitfall for you is letting your issues get in the way of a good thing. You need to expand your vision and consider the big picture. If some experience or situation has soured you on love, or has made it too unbearably perfect to stand, it's time to address it! Confidence in yourself and optimism in the future will keep you from missing out on something truly special.

It's okay to have standards and rules, but make sure you haven't built a fortress around yourself. Our values change as we grow older. When's the last time you rethought the direction you're heading in life? Revaluate what's most important to you — not to others, not to the dreams you had when you were 15 or 20 or 31 — what's important to you now, at this moment, at this age? Don't be afraid to change the priorities in your life. You don't get points for following previous life dreams if they no longer represent your current hopes and desires.

Romance for you begins with a sudden, unexpected rush. It's probably a gut feeling you have about someone that you subsequently squelch or question. Maybe the person is your opposite, which is why his contrasting characteristics jar you into noticing him. Or perhaps you share such a strong, common, interest, you can't believe he's finally arrived after all of these years.

Someone who's right for you will probably show up unexpectedly, but the surprise will get your attention. Once you're looking, prepare to be impressed. Did you realize your quiet colleague was also an accomplished musician? Has it suddenly dawned on you that your best friend is attracted to you? You have more fun with your dentist than anyone you've met in ages. Your next-door neighbor cooks like a four-star chef. Who knew?

Of course, you won't see anyone who's right for you, if you're not looking. So lose the shades! If you're dating multiple people at once, why not whittle it down to the one who really interests you? Maybe you should be single for awhile. That might make it easier for someone to approach you. Haven't dated in a year? It's time to figure out why. Look at how you're spending your time. Is one area of your life taking up more than its fair share? Maybe you've met someone you want to be with, but there's some obstacle between the two of you. This will be a true test of your devotion. Overcome it, and you'll form a deeper bond.

It's okay to be picky! Maybe your reluctance has protected you from bad mistakes, but maybe it's prevented you from seeing a true love standing right in front of your face. Now that you understand your love story, you're equipped with knowledge that can keep you from missing a good opportunity. You can take charge of your love story and make it work for you, or move on. Whatever you decide, your independence and courage will take you far in life and in love. Indeed, in your happy ending, Love Conquers All.

Second Chances is your secondary Love Story

The Second Chances love story is rooted in nostalgia. Whether you're longing for the ex you haven't seen in a year, or are reminiscing about the crush you never connected with 10 years ago, this kind of searching is indicative of more than dissatisfaction with your current romantic relationships.

Whether you do it consciously or not, most people who migrate towards the Second Chances love story either want to revise a past decision, confront someone you couldn't at the time, or revert back to a specific point in time. Do you ever wish you could return to a different period in your life?

This story is repeated more times than you could imagine. Take the film "Peggy Sue Got Married," for instance. In it, a housewife faints at her high school reunion and wakes up in her senior year at high school with the chance to change her destiny. The root of your story too, may arise from these feelings, that you need to reconnect with a time in your life when love was a larger focus of your life and responsibilities were much fewer. But it also might stem from other things as well.

Your love story may arise out of regret for the past, or a desire to go back to when things were easier. Did you have a particularly easy, fun adolescence? Have you recently suffered a loss — perhaps a divorce or the death of a loved one — that's made you long for the period before that incident?

Are you acutely aware that decisions carry with them a strong impact? Do you spend a lot of time analyzing your decisions, going over things you've said or done in your mind? Or are you simply sentimental, in love with old books and classic films, as well as your own memories? It's no wonder this is such a common love story. How many films feature starlets staring off dreamily into a recollection of days past? How many books reveal heroes and heroines kept apart in the beginning, only to find themselves together at the end?

Romantic films and books often use this archetypal tale of paradise lost and regained to create some of the greatest love stories of all time. "Casablanca" is one of the greatest renditions of this love story. In it, Rick, played by Humphrey Bogart, is haunted by a brief romance with Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman), shattered by circumstances beyond their control. "The Way We Were," another classic, follows a similar story line. In "American Beauty," Kevin Spacey plays a man who tries to recapture his youth through an affair with a teenage girl. These stories are so powerful precisely because they are so easy to relate to. This historical love story overpowers everybody at one point or another. How this tried and true love story plays out in individual lives, varies from person to person.

How your love story affects you and your relationships
You believe in destiny, that there's someone out there who fate intends for you to meet. But you're not above helping fate along now and then. Do you obsess over photo albums? Search faces on the street and in airports for a hint of familiarity? Have you searched Yahoo! People Search or Classmates.com for names from the past? If you haven't gotten in touch with old flames, you look for their qualities in the people you meet now.

Thoughts of passion might get you a little teary-eyed sometimes. Daydreaming, for you, is a lot like watching an old movie or flipping through dusty yearbooks. Whether dating casually or in a committed long-term relationship, your idea of a romantic evening together is built around nostalgic notions of courtship and manners. You get ideas for activities from old books and movies — a classic picnic on a grassy hill, a walk along the boardwalk, a candlelit dinner, waltzing the night away at a ritzy supper club.

If you're mourning the loss of your youth, you may try to recapture it by doing things that make you look and feel young now. You might try out the latest look, attempt a new sport, listen to the latest hip band, or buy an impractical sports car. Dating younger people just might boost your self-esteem and challenge you to try new things.

However you choose to live out your love story, it's bound to be romantic and exciting. What's the harm in calling up an old flame who you can't get out of your mind? Even if your former love is married with six kids and has a gut the size of a stadium, at least you'll know and can stop obsessing. Why not date someone from the younger generation, reinvigorate a little, have some fun? Love comes in many packages and blossoms during many periods of life. Perhaps, you are tired of living in the past and are ready to embrace the now. Don't worry! Your love story is simply a roadmap that you can choose to follow or diverge from. Psychologists and experts have helped thousands of women recognize these patterns in their own lives and make the choice: Embrace the love story or move on. It's your choice.

How to avoid common mistakes
Your desire to go back to the past indicates something might be missing from your life today, or that your earlier years were a particularly amazing time. While a relationship can certainly fill that hole, it's important for you to determine what besides love you're looking for. That will allow you to fill that need yourself, rather than looking to another person to provide. You may need to let go of past mistakes and regrets, realizing that everything works itself out in the end. It might be helpful to contact the person you're obsessing over, and compare the reality of who they are with the dream you've been nurturing. At the same time, you may need to pull yourself out of a rut by infusing your daily routine with exciting activities and new people.

Once you've figured out what's missing, you can embrace the future and stop worrying over the past. Be open to life. Take some risks. Approach your memories with a healthier perspective. Whether your next romance is with someone from the past, the present, or a special someone who you've not yet met, you can enjoy the best aspects of your love story — the romance, sentiment, and fond memories — without getting bogged down with baggage from the past.

How to recognize someone who's healthy for you
The person who's right for you will share your love of romance, nostalgia, and sentimentality, while embracing the present with gusto. You'll be able to curl up on the couch together and watch old movies, slurp spaghetti at a checker-clothed table lit with drippy candles, and take horse-drawn carriage rides through the park together, never forgetting to try new things.

If you're longing for your youth, a fling with someone young could be just the thing to pull you out of the past and invigorate your present with new experiences. Any person who challenges you to live in the here and now, encourages you to take risks, be open to life, and have fun will be a good match. And you never know. Perhaps the reason that first love was so powerful is because it truly was the real deal.

Just because your love story has grown out from your past, doesn't mean it isn't full of wonderful possibilities. It's up to you to decide how it ends. Whether you reconnect with lovers past or embrace the future for the first time, your experiences and memories will be bountiful; your romance will be one for the ages.

The Other Love Stories and How They Affect Us

Now you know how your primary and secondary love stories have played out in your life. But at some point, you're sure to be affected by all the love stories in one way or another. That's because the elements of these tales are universal — and the traits of one story, are not always so far from the characteristics of another.

As circumstances surrounding your relationships change, you may start to see shades of the remaining stories as they bleed into your life. With that in mind, here they are, ranked in order of how influential they currently are to you. Once you understand them, you can recognize their hold on you, and make a conscious decision to stick with them, or break away.

Loving Too Much(You scored a 8/10 on the Loving Too Much story)

The Loving Too Much story stems from your overflowing love and hope. Sometimes, however, it can be muddied by misguided feelings, expectations and sometimes, an unrequited desire.

The people you're most attracted to are usually just out of reach and all the more alluring for it — like those early crushes on teen idols. The less available your partner is, emotionally and physically, the more desirable he becomes.

You daydream, and your imagination fills in the details that reality hasn't provided. Do you ever seek out indirect contact with this person, visiting his workplace or getting to know his friends? Do you find yourself dreaming about marriage after a second date, or perhaps after a quick affair? The hit film "Fatal Attraction" illustrates an extreme version of the Loving Too Much story — taking it to abnormal levels. What it doesn't fully explore is the capacity for love that you probably possess.

Romantic Rescue (You scored a 7 on the Romantic Rescue story)

The love story that grips you, Romantic Rescue, uses love to give better meaning and significance to your life. Love, in your story, is all-powerful. It is the catalyst to change yourself, help your partner become the person you want them to be, and show the world what you are made of. Some people put themselves in the role of hero in this love story — nursing an ailing partner back to health, saving him from a string of previously destructive relationships, maybe even saving him from a physical danger. Other people with whom you share this story cast themselves as those in need of rescue - relying on their partners to swoop in and save them from whatever ill-fate's been visited upon them, either real or imagined.

In your love story, actions speak almost louder than words. The more present you are to your partner, or he to you, the stronger and faster your bond can develop. The image of one partner as caregiver and the other as recipient of that care, sets up an immediate give-and-take relationship, one that makes your union seem all the more magical.

It also sets up one of the parties as a savior. Though perhaps not as epic as seen in the characters in novels or films, this is significant nonetheless. In Hemingway's tragic love story, "Farewell to Arms," an injured soldier is nurtured back to health and into a blissful romance by a kindly nurse. Not long after, she's the one at death's door. In "Run Lola Run," a woman has twenty minutes to come up with a large amount of money to save her boyfriend's life. How far she goes to obtain it is a measure of her devotion or delusion.

Love vs. Honor (You scored a 7 on the Love vs. Honor story)

Love vs. Honor is the most dramatic love story of all — defined by an innate tug of war between what you want to do and what you should do. There is something coming between you and love. Perhaps it's a religious conviction, a previous commitment, family, patriotic duty, or deep belief that good things only come at a terrible price.

If you're looking for examples you can start back with the Greek myths where heroes were often forced to give up love and the comforts of home for battles in far-off lands. In Charles Dickens' "Great Expectations," Estella chooses to obey her benefactress and break Pip's heart, even though she deeply regrets doing so. Political obligations and previous relationships tear Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman apart in the unforgettable film, "Casablanca."

Rags to Riches (You scored a 2 on the Rags to Riches story)

Cinderella is the archetype of your Rags to Riches love story, a story that's been retold throughout history in books, movies, poems, and songs. For you, love is more important than expectations, stereotypes and what other people think is good for you. People with the strength of character to pursue their loves despite obstacles and adversity, thrive in this story.

Ah, the American Dream of self-determination. It's the stuff from which true fairytales are made. Your story is about getting your due. Have you or your partner been discriminated against? Have people done their best to keep you apart? Once your surpass society's rules, you and your partner can escape to a happier place your former detractors can only envy. For beyond the initial disapproval of your pairing, is a realization that you were bold enough to pursue a dream, something others don't have the courage to do.

Somewhere in your love story, you dream of waltzing into another world and proving once and for all that you've got the right stuff, talent and intelligence to belong there. Are you ambitious? Do you seek success, fame and basic recognition for your accomplishments? Yours is really the dream of getting your due — a pretty familiar theme. In the film "Pretty in Pink", Molly Ringwald wins the heart of the rich preppy, while in the movie "16 Candles", tough-guy Judd Nelson craves the attention of pretty girl Ringwald.

The Mentor and the Protégé (You scored a 2 on the The Mentor and the Protégé story)

The Mentor and the Protégé is a love story about more than love for love's sake. In it, love grows out of a deeper need to learn and understand other aspects of your love through the teaching's of someone else. Love isn't the only thing you're after. You want power, success, attention, maybe even fame. You want to be recognized, doted on, and adored for your talents. And the object of your desire is the person best suited to provide you with these things — a boss, a mentor, a teacher, or a troubled genius.

This archetypal story is the basis of many great tales of love — usually involving an older man falling for a younger woman. Hamlet flirted with his mother. Jane Eyre fell for her stern, older boss. Jackson Pollock married a less-accomplished painter.

Establishing Independence (You scored a 1 on the Establishing Independence story)

The Establishing Independence love story that grips you begins with desire — not only for someone different, but for exciting life changes, as well. Whether you're looking to grow away from a current relationship, move towards another relationship, or simply develop a new sense of who you are, look for a shift in what you pursue and how you define yourself relative to other people.

These transformations come in the package of another person, perhaps a soul mate but more likely someone you've selected not because of his potential, but for the qualities he possesses as different from those you are accustomed to.

Just as young Juliet escaped an arranged marriage by attaching herself to Romeo, people often establish a separate identity for themselves by dating people who are very different from their parents, or their last loves. If you come from a conservative coat and tie family, maybe a James Dean rebel is the best way to go. If you're tied to people who are defiantly liberal, you might seek out someone who will help you experiment with more conservative ideas.